The Thing About Rest
How I’m Managing to Slow Down When the World is Speeding Up
We aren’t terribly great at rest in the 21st century.
I wonder what our agricultural ancestors would think of all of us ‘working on’ resting as an activity on our calendars. Time blocking rest would be laughable to hunters and gatherers when their use of natural sunrises and sunsets, the planting and harvesting seasons significantly helped them regulate sleeping and eating as a cycle every day.
Their shock would multiply with the ways social media content focuses on nutrition tips as they only ate to be strong enough to harvest and plant. Sadly, we eat to nourish our sitting at desks or in cars, running ourselves and our kids ragged for participation trophies.
Personally, I have a great sadness that my hustle was so hardcore that my own bookshelves were stacked with books on breathing and rest and sleep. My journey to integration ambition, entrepreneurship and wellness have become my personal savior out of the work-only mentality I had for decades.
I devoured incredibly practical books ‘How to Breathe’ and “How to Rest’ by a woman I deeply respect from afar, Ashley Neese. Without judgement, her writing sits on my nightstand, easily in reach on how to quiet to save my nervous system.
How did I forget to breathe and rest? Turns out, I was on someone else’s values’ timeline, not my own. In the fall of 2023, rest was forced upon me when my body gave out.
Apps help us learn “how to cook”, “how to teach math to young kids”, Pinterest is one big how-to crafting site, you tube teaches every homeowner how to fix falling down house parts. How-to’ chill out is a goal most mid-career Moms desire and now it was forced upon me.
Constant exertion slowed to a stop in my mandated quiet. Eight weeks felt like an abyss of of quiet. Who am I without productivity, work or helping my family with laundry, my favorite chore? If only I could find an app get a recipe for a spicy cranberry margarita and how long to perfectly inhale and exhale, my recovery this fall might have been even easier.
Moving at a rapid pace impacts our nervous system. The Source, by neuroscientist Tara Swart, shares research on how change and the buzz of life makes neurons fuzzy, impacting our ability to think clearly and rapidly. How many women have been told to chill-out, knowing we are tapped out? How often can we be asked to finish our thoughts when the brain fog kicks in?
Bringing stress into my daily living, I was holding my breath more than flowing in and out, working long hours with an angst and no breaks, waiting for ‘the’ name to pop into my inbox telling me all I’m doing wrong or usurping the team I had built. I craved calm extended quiet, but the rest I was on would be different.
Neese’s second book, How to Rest, slipped into my hands while I was mentally preparing for my long recovery.
For two months, I was forced to remain still and focus on myself. Initially, I struggled to release the guilt of vegging out and recovering. Neese mentions how fitting in practical quiet moments help you ease into clarity of the mind.
Prior to my surgery, my brain thought I’d be writing a book, typing up notes from handwritten journals and baking bread from house made starters. After realizing bed rest was all that was possible, I found peace in the sleep, naps, long sips of tea, subtle pleasures like a check in text, binging TV like I never had before.
There was a calm that washed over me even in moments of frustration.
Slowing down completely allowed me to notice my resistance to rest, where I held my breath, where the pain settled. What are you resisting?
How I enjoyed sloth without guilt:
Sleeping in - not setting an alarm was a luxury to find a natural rhythm of recovery. Sleeping in might mean asking for help to take the morning off of caregiving or making coffee.
Tea (decaf) breaks with Savannah Bee honey - simple and sweet afternoon tea breaks with literally one page of a books instead of an IG scroll is the way.
Asking for help- none of the rest is possible without a team of family and friends who helped me. Today, hiring help, swapping kids, sharing rides, saying no all help me get rest accomplished.
Single tasking- Exhaustion keeps you focused on one thing at a time. Sean Hayes recently asked his Smartless podcast guest if they multitasked at night. He wanted to know if she was good at reading a book and watching TV at the same time. She scoffed at this ridiculous questions. She made the point that focusing on a single task to accomplish as much as she does, give the best effort at work the next day and making true relationships at work and home.
Here is what rest allowed me to do:
Find Creative flow in a simple way. When you are truly awake a few hours a day, clarity enters like the moments you have shower ‘ah has’.
Stop unnecessary projects- letting go of what I didn’t enjoy feels right.
Love where I’m at, just for today. Who cares about tomorrow, right now?
In 2024, there will always be more to do. Whether it’s the email or the chores, breaking away has help me find abundance of clarity and career creativity. I won’t get 2 months off again anytime soon so I’ll use ways to rest that work for me.
1- focus on the exhales, elongating them to release toxics.
2- taking midday breathwork breaks like breath of fire or breath of joy.
3- worry box- resting my mind by writing out my worries and focusing on today’s needs.
I haven’t taken my body for granted, ever, realizing my ability to do yoga, walk to the car, carry groceries was a gift.
Now, I’m loving where I’m at and adding in little sips of air and movement, too. Rest has become solace, without guilt. Elise Loehnen, this is sloth in it’s truest form.